I know what its like to keep moving…
To keep dragging your feet after you’ve been pushed backwards so many times.
I know how it feels to be tired.
You work to survive because you have only have yourself.
What happens when you lose yourself…
Well, I know how that feels too.
I know what it feels like to be cornered and terrified.
I know what that “it would be easier if….” feels like all too well.
But I also know strength.
I know how it feels to have every piece of you shattered, to have your dreams roasted and melting over an open fire and to watch your heart break in front of your eyes without a single clue as to how to mend the pieces back together.
These eyes have seen more than any child should see,
This body abused more than most could take,
This mind explored more than mere temptation.
But every time I fell I found out what it felt like to grow.
This time I will break and fall and cry many more times…
But once the stress is gone I will learn what it feels like to be a woman.
One of a kind.
I will learn a new part of me, one that will carry me with poise and strength everyday of my life.
Then when the next storm comes, because it will…
Another fraction of that woman will be born.
I take two steps forward and life blows me three steps back. After every storm settles I open my eyes and you’re still there willing to protect me. Jumping as soon as a tear breaks free from my eyes. I’ve never had one of you, never had something so refreshing as you are. Kind, compassionate, genuine….and mine. I don’t have to worry about who I’m sharing you with. I never have to contemplate you using your hands on me for anything other than to protect and to love me. As hard as things get for me, I can sit here and say that this time I’m not crying because of disappointment or heartbreak, not another breakdown but out of pure happiness. I have found someone that while I’m taking two steps forward he will walk with me and when life treats me unkindly and pushes me back three steps he is there behind me telling me to keep walking. There are no words to describe how grateful I am for you. My prayers of having one person in life that was a good person? God, you have blessed me to fall in love with that man and have him feel the same in return. Thank you.
So just as every year my happiness is slowly descending as the summer approaches. There’s something about the summer that just makes my life hell. Four summers ago I lost my best friend (whom I eventually rekindled ties with) three summers ago I broke up with an ex I was with for nearly five years and had to learn to rely on only myself…lost everything but rebuilt myself by the next summer (two summers ago) to be completely shattered again. A nervous breakdown and a depression lasting a little over a year definitely wasn’t my choice of pie but I took it with a grain on salt which led to last summer. I pushed away someone I was very close with. It cut a lot of ties along the way and it hurt so much the way it happened. So all that leaves are questions. Whats next? Will this be a good or bad summer? Is this a curse?… idk. But I have so many wonderful people and things in my life right now that I can’t bare to think of any of them gone. However there’s so much fighting its making me want to run away and say fuck it to everything. I hate yelling and cursing. I hate coming home to a lifeless rock who doesnt care about anything.Heres to one of those nights we all dread. One of those nights that was fantastic and cannonballed into a pit of boiling acid. One of those nights you’re going to be angry and alone with no one to talk you through anything and tell you you’re overreacting because everyone is either asleep or out getting drunk and the only one you WANT to talk to went to sleep angry.
Omg…lol idk how to feel about this. Does it mean that life is truly better…under the sea?
Are you a teen? This blog is just for you!